I cry so many invisible tears. One part of me just want to jump over the cliff, but one part off me also want to hang on. I want to get better, I really do, but sometimes it's just too hard to stay alive.

U used to say that there's a time we all deserve to lose our minds, so i lost my mind, now i need to find my way back, today, to stay, the way u wished i would...

It's so hard to find a way out. It's like I fumble in the dark. I have no idea where I'm going or where I should have gone. I don't know a damn thing about it, and thats really makes me freak out.

I don't know what to do. I know what I should have done and I know what I shouldn't have done, but it's still so damn hard!

I've also got a tonsillitis and fever. I'm sick both mentally and physical, but still I keep doing my "thing". Do u know what I have done today? No? Ok, heres the list;

Binged

binged

puked

binged some more

cut

puked

puked

puked

taken some dulcolax

puked more

slept

binged

puked

cut

taken even more dulcolax

And so on...

I've also talked to a person that dosen't exist...

I'm so tired, but I can't sleep. I need to stay awake. I can't fall before I've lost my mind...

before - after

© Nemi 2002/2003